It seemed like the moment I admitted that I love to write was the moment I let it all out. It felt like suddenly, all of the words I was too timid to say were forming in my head at a rate that was too quick for me to process. I began writing every day, and when I wasn’t writing I was planning when I could fit in more writing, or starting to formulate drafts in my mind. I was even able to translate that drive into my classwork, churning out three term papers without any problem, and feeling satisfied with the work I had produced.
I don’t know what happened, but that’s over.
I am currently seated at my desk, planner open next to me, dozens of deadlines tapping me on the shoulder, reminding me that with every minute that I stall, I have a minute less to work on these projects.
Where last semester I had three term papers due within days of each other, this semester I have one. Last semester’s papers had to be at least 15 pages, and this semester’s only has to be 10. Last semester I wrote seventeen and eighteen-page papers.
This semester, I have about three pages done.
I… just…. can’t.
I can’t do it. I don’t know what’s stopping me, but I sit down to work on it and my brain wanders, I panic, and then I tell myself that I’ll just work on another assignment. “They’ve all got due dates, I can’t neglect the other ones either,” I tell myself as I neglect the paper into oblivion while paying so much attention to the other assignments that I’m starting to do other group members’ portions of the work.
Maybe it’s that I’m not that passionate about this topic, or the shortened length makes me feel like it’s not as important as last semester’s papers, or the idea of having to include a research portion makes me want to cry.
It’s probably all of those things, now that I think of it.
I’m not a procrastinator; my anxiety wouldn’t allow it. So the fact that I am completely ignoring my work and don’t feel anxious about it is wigging me out.
Is this writer’s block? Am I losing my mind? Will the neglected Word document ever see the light of day again?
I’m currently accepting any and all advice or wisdom on how to combat this kind of block. SOS.